Girls should come with a carfax report
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
