actually, I'm a sock model
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
