Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dick very happy bro
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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