Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
