it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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