you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
