I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
