I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
