i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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