it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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