Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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