My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We got so high we made milksteak
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
