i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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