i would punch a child for taco bell
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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