My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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