We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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