i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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