Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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