I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
