he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
