he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
