remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
