Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
