just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
