He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
