So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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