quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
