I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
handjob tips. give me some.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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