2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh god it's open bar.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
