woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
