Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
