I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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