I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
