Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
