so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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