It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
