The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
