Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
