we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
