"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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