Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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