Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
