what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The Olympian is in my bed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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