just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm sobbing to NWA
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
