the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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