They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
a search helicopter?!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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