I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
