I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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