do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
