Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
