I heard we made out
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
